Going to enjoy my family and the beautiful weather. See you next week!
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Thursday, June 6, 2013
When You Break Up
When I was younger, I used to think that breaking up was solely for romantic relationships. Breaking up triggered memories of me telling some guy that I didn't want to be with him anymore. *cue dramatic tears from the guy* Can ya tell that I've never been dumped? LOL.
As I have grown older, and a little wiser, I have come to realize that breaking up can take many forms and is not exclusive to romantic relationships. You can break up with your friends, your family, and even your job.
While it may be different from a romantic relationship, the steps to getting over the breakup/relationship can be just as painful. If not confusing.
In the past couple of years, I have lost/broken up with three very close friends. The loss of these relationships devastated me and made me question who I was as a person. "Am I a bad person?" I asked myself often, because you see, these were the type of relationships that were supposed to last a lifetime. That were built from years of caring, loving, and confiding in each other. They were the type of people that you have over for all your major events, who you have known for at least half your lifetime. The type of people you called on a daily basis, and actually wanted to talk to. But somewhere, something happened, and everyone changed. Including myself.
My relationship with these people fell apart, and everyone just stopped caring. Two out of three times, we just stopped talking. Like strangers who never knew each other, the communication stopped completely. The last one was a little more painful. I tried to share with the person how I felt about something that was said and the person just went off on me. The person ended the relationship by saying that they never wanted to talk to me again and cut me off completely.
So there I was sad, confused, and feeling utterly alone. I cried, I got angry, and I tried to make sense of it all. Where had I gone wrong?
But that was my problem, I tried to blame myself for the relationship not working. I blamed everything on me, forgetting that there were two people involved in the relationship. That we both had done harm to the other, that we were both at fault. Both of us had contributed to the demise of our relationship.
With time and reflection things got better. I began to value those who have always been there for me. And I was thankful for the time I spent with the people who drifted out of my life. I realized that we had grown apart, that we no longer fit into this neat box that I had created in my head, and that was okay. Each one of these people taught me something. Loved me for who I was and I loved them for who they were.
Growing up, it's hard work.
Today, I surround myself with a select few. Not because I am scared to be hurt again, but because I have learned to be choosy with my friends. I have learned that you don't have to have a lot of friends to feel fulfilled or happy. If I died today, I'd probably have three people at my funeral, and I would be okay with that. Because I know that I have had a filling life. The people around me get who I am and love me just the way I am. Flaws and all. Sometimes, we have to lose a lot to really appreciate what we have.
Life is about learning from the past and not making the same mistakes. And if you do, get up and move forward.
Tips for getting over a break up with a friend/lover/job/family member:
1. Talk it out!
Find someone to confide in and talk their ear off. Seriously, there is no better medicine than when someone listens to what you have to say.
2. Write it out!
Don't have someone to listen, put your feelings to paper. Write it out, all of it. Vent. The premise is to get all those pent up emotions out. Feeling angry? Burn that little sucker up. In a safe environment, burn the paper that you wrote all your feelings on.
3. Avoid contact
I know it's so tempting to hash it out again with someone you just broke up with, but trust me, it won't do any good. The best thing you can do after a breakup is put distance between you and the person. Give yourself time to heal.
4. Work Out
Do some sort of physical activity. Anything. Walking, running, swimming. Anything to get you out of your home and get your endorphins pumping. This will also release any pent up anger that may arise.
5. Do not binge eat
It will only make you feel worse. Don't do it!
6. Join a social group
While it is fun to get on Facebook and socialize, it does not take the place of actual human interactions. Join a book club, a sport, something to get you out and meeting new people.
7. Reflect
When you are strong enough, reflect on the relationship. What happened. Why? What did you learn.
8. Forgive
Whatever happened, how it happened, you have to forgive in order to move on.
As I have grown older, and a little wiser, I have come to realize that breaking up can take many forms and is not exclusive to romantic relationships. You can break up with your friends, your family, and even your job.
While it may be different from a romantic relationship, the steps to getting over the breakup/relationship can be just as painful. If not confusing.
In the past couple of years, I have lost/broken up with three very close friends. The loss of these relationships devastated me and made me question who I was as a person. "Am I a bad person?" I asked myself often, because you see, these were the type of relationships that were supposed to last a lifetime. That were built from years of caring, loving, and confiding in each other. They were the type of people that you have over for all your major events, who you have known for at least half your lifetime. The type of people you called on a daily basis, and actually wanted to talk to. But somewhere, something happened, and everyone changed. Including myself.
My relationship with these people fell apart, and everyone just stopped caring. Two out of three times, we just stopped talking. Like strangers who never knew each other, the communication stopped completely. The last one was a little more painful. I tried to share with the person how I felt about something that was said and the person just went off on me. The person ended the relationship by saying that they never wanted to talk to me again and cut me off completely.
So there I was sad, confused, and feeling utterly alone. I cried, I got angry, and I tried to make sense of it all. Where had I gone wrong?
But that was my problem, I tried to blame myself for the relationship not working. I blamed everything on me, forgetting that there were two people involved in the relationship. That we both had done harm to the other, that we were both at fault. Both of us had contributed to the demise of our relationship.
With time and reflection things got better. I began to value those who have always been there for me. And I was thankful for the time I spent with the people who drifted out of my life. I realized that we had grown apart, that we no longer fit into this neat box that I had created in my head, and that was okay. Each one of these people taught me something. Loved me for who I was and I loved them for who they were.
Growing up, it's hard work.
Today, I surround myself with a select few. Not because I am scared to be hurt again, but because I have learned to be choosy with my friends. I have learned that you don't have to have a lot of friends to feel fulfilled or happy. If I died today, I'd probably have three people at my funeral, and I would be okay with that. Because I know that I have had a filling life. The people around me get who I am and love me just the way I am. Flaws and all. Sometimes, we have to lose a lot to really appreciate what we have.
Life is about learning from the past and not making the same mistakes. And if you do, get up and move forward.
 |
| With my dear friends. Love them to death! |
Tips for getting over a break up with a friend/lover/job/family member:
1. Talk it out!
Find someone to confide in and talk their ear off. Seriously, there is no better medicine than when someone listens to what you have to say.
2. Write it out!
Don't have someone to listen, put your feelings to paper. Write it out, all of it. Vent. The premise is to get all those pent up emotions out. Feeling angry? Burn that little sucker up. In a safe environment, burn the paper that you wrote all your feelings on.
3. Avoid contact
I know it's so tempting to hash it out again with someone you just broke up with, but trust me, it won't do any good. The best thing you can do after a breakup is put distance between you and the person. Give yourself time to heal.
4. Work Out
Do some sort of physical activity. Anything. Walking, running, swimming. Anything to get you out of your home and get your endorphins pumping. This will also release any pent up anger that may arise.
5. Do not binge eat
It will only make you feel worse. Don't do it!
6. Join a social group
While it is fun to get on Facebook and socialize, it does not take the place of actual human interactions. Join a book club, a sport, something to get you out and meeting new people.
7. Reflect
When you are strong enough, reflect on the relationship. What happened. Why? What did you learn.
8. Forgive
Whatever happened, how it happened, you have to forgive in order to move on.
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